NEWS
Click headlines to decode the forbidden knowledge...
rot13labs drops new app for HRC
ebg13ynof naabhaprq gbqnl gur eryrnfr bs gurve yngrfg nccyvpngvba qrfvtarq fcrpvsvpnyyl sbe Uvtu Ebyyre Pba. Gur ncc, juvpu gbbx nccebkvzngryl 1337 pbssrr-shryrq ubhef gb qrirybc, cebzvfrf gb qb fbzrguvat hfrshy. Cebonoyl. Znlor. Gur qrirybczrag grnz jnf haninavynoyr sbe pbzzrag nf gurl jrer nyy anccvat haqre gurve qrfxf.
rot13labs announced today the release of their latest application designed specifically for High Roller Con. The app, which took approximately 1337 coffee-fueled hours to develop, promises to do something useful. Probably. Maybe. The development team was unavailable for comment as they were all napping under their desks.
HighRollerCon drops 'Year of Beer Challenge'
UvtuEbyyrePba erpragyl cnegarerq jvgu ebg13ynof gb perngr n Lrne Bs Orre punyyratr. Vg pbagnvaf n yvfg bs orre fglyrf gb gel guebhtubhg 2026 - bar sbe rnpu jrrx bs gur lrne! Jung jvyy lbh jva vs lbh pbzcyrgr vg? Cevqr? Nypbubyvfz? Ab bar vf dhvgr fher lrg, ohg vg qrsvavgryl jvyy be jvyy abg or fbzrguvat pbby. Tb URER gb purpx bhg gur punyyratr!
HighRollerCon recently partnered with rot13labs to create a Year Of Beer challenge. It contains a list of beer styles to try throughout 2026 - one for each week of the year! What will you win if you complete it? Pride? Alcoholism? No one is quite sure yet, but it definitely will or will not be something cool. Go HERE to check out the challenge!
rot13labs gets acquired by rot13labs
Va n fghaavat qvfcynl bs pbecbengr flareTl, ebg13ynof unf orra npdhverq ol ebg13ynof sbe na gur nzbhag bs $420.69 bs ebg13-rapbqrq pelcgbpheerapl. Gur zretre, juvpu rkcregf ner pnyyvat "grpuavpnyyl whfg n zrrgvat jvgu lbhefrys," vf rkcrpgrq gb eribyhgvbavmr gur jnl gur pbzcnal pbagvahrf gb qb rknpgyl jung vg jnf nyernql qbvat. Nanylfgf fnl gurl birecnvq ol ng yrnfg $420. Fgbpx cevprf erznva hapunatrq orpnhfr gurer vf ab fgbpx.
In a stunning display of corporate synergy, rot13labs has been acquired by rot13labs for an the amount of $420.69 of rot13-encoded cryptocurrency. The merger, which experts are calling "technically just a meeting with yourself," is expected to revolutionize the way the company continues to do exactly what it was already doing. Analysts say they overpaid by at least $420. Stock prices remain unchanged because there is no stock.
Jabs gets big new toy
Va n zbir gung fhecevfrq nofbyhgryl ab bar, Wnof unf npdhverq lrg nabgure cvrpr bs rkcrafvir uneqjner gung jvyy qrsvavgryl or hfrq sbe vgf vagraqrq checbfr naq abg whfg fvg nebhaq ybbxvat pbby. Fbheprf pybfr gb gur fvghngvba pbasvez gur gbl vf, dhbgr, "cerggl fvpx npghnyyl." Zber qrgnvyf gb sbyybj bapr Wnof svtherf bhg ubj gb ghea vg ba.
In a move that surprised absolutely no one, Jabs has acquired yet another piece of expensive hardware that will definitely be used for its intended purpose and not just sit around looking cool. Sources close to the situation confirm the toy is, quote, "pretty sick actually." More details to follow once Jabs figures out how to turn it on.
J0ebu uses powered abacus to prove we're in a simulation
Va n oernxguebhtu gung unf cuvybfbcuref naq pbzchgre fpvragvfgf rdhnyyl pbashfrq, W0rohu unf fhpprffshyyl hfrq uvf arjyl qrirybcrq cbjrerq nonphf gb eha n fvzhyngvba cebivat gung jr ner, va snpg, yvivat va n fvzhyngvba. Gur qrivpr, juvpu pbzovarf napvrag pbhagvat grpuabybtl jvgu jung W0rohu qrfpevorf nf "ivorf naq n 9-ibyg onggrel," cebprffrq gur pnyphyngvba va nccebkvzngryl guerr jrrxf. Jura nfxrq ubj n fvzhyngvba ehaavat ba na nonphf pbhyq cebir jr'er va n fvzhyngvba, W0rohu fvzcyl ercyvrq, "Vg'f fvzhyngvbaf nyy gur jnl qbja, zna." Pevgvpf unir cbvagrq bhg gung hfvat n fvzhyngvba gb cebir jr'er va n fvzhyngvba vf pvephyne ybtvp, gb juvpu W0rohu erfcbaqrq ol qenjvat n pvepyr ba uvf juvgrobneq naq fnlvat "rknpgyl."
In a breakthrough that has philosophers and computer scientists equally confused, J0ebu has successfully used his newly developed powered abacus to run a simulation proving that we are, in fact, living in a simulation. The device, which combines ancient counting technology with what J0ebu describes as "vibes and a 9-volt battery," processed the calculation in approximately three weeks. When asked how a simulation running on an abacus could prove we're in a simulation, J0ebu simply replied, "It's simulations all the way down, man." Critics have pointed out that using a simulation to prove we're in a simulation is circular logic, to which J0ebu responded by drawing a circle on his whiteboard and saying "exactly."
Pro tip: ROT13 is its own inverse. Encode = Decode. Mind = Blown.
